Fuel

So how does one go about building a life? My starting point has been what we can call fuel. The most basic component of my life is my body. I was incredibly angular and skinny until somewhere around, I dunno 30. I don’t want to go back there: not enough meat on me bones, not enough curvature (but alas, plenty of suitors). I want to remain a woman in a woman’s body. This woman’s body. But I want to feel lighter, stronger, healthier. I want to look good, but I want to feel better. Strong like I can do whatever I want to do in this borrowed body, “I’ve got on loan in between my mom and some maggots” (Ani Difranco).

And I want energy. How can I go about doing anything else if I feel tired all the time? Besides I want the way that I look to be a non-issue, something that takes up little thought space. I want to bound out of bed, grab what I am drawn to costume myself in, without contemplating whether or not it makes me look dumpy. Don’t get me wrong, I love my body more and more these days. I am amazed at how it functions, gets me where I need to go, shares itself through affection, runs slick maneuvers. So it is also out of love for my body that I want to give it the proper fuel and strengthen to function at its optimal capacity.

That said, I have had my eye on food and exercise for years, and each year it gets bumped up on the list of things that I care about. Finally it is reaching the top of my list. Over the past two years, since I moved to CO, and no longer had an in-house chef, I have had to ponder what to put in my grocery cart and I have had to confront the curious malaise that sometimes takes over when I am facing the stove. And I have had yoga and gym memberships and I have lost and then regained 20-30 pounds. And I have taken nutrition classes (ok 1 class) and talked with a couple nutritionists, and read books. And what I have ended up with is that there are some basic facts to be armed with about power foods and such, but mostly I know. I know what foods make me feel good and what foods don’t. I know what and when I should eat. I just sometimes don’t care enough or react to food from an emotional space. Right now as parts of me process the break-up in their own ways, I feel the old tendency toward the coffee and cigarette diet come a callin’. It doesn’t help that I’m also in a low-money space.

But I know that when I eat how my body deserves to be fed, I send my self a message that I deserve to be happy and healthy. That I am worth the extra effort, so not only do I feed my body, I feed my mind and spirit too. Below this, I will post the grocery list I mentally carry that seems to be working for me these days. Feel free to suggest grocery items of your own.

Grocery List

Kale (I usually throw this in a skillet with olive oil and garlic sometimes balsamic vin. or braggs amino acids)- very fast
Spinach
Eggs (to boil or scramble with Spinach)
Minced garlic (tired of chopping)
Fish (Tilapia is cheap and Safeway has daily 50% off specials)
Turkey Burgers
Black Beans
Sweet Potatoes or Yams
Almonds (Costly so I only eat a handful once in a while)
Bananas
Blueberries
Yogurt (has to be creamy )
Choc chips
Kashi Go Lean Cereal
Milk/Soy/Almond
Peanut or Almond Butter
Apples ( I like Fuji)
string cheese
For Salad:
Lettuce
Sunflower Seeds/Pumpkin Seeds/Hemp Seeds
Jarred Cactus (in the foreign food aisle)
Onion
Raisins
Cucumbers
Goddess Dressing