...I got an A in physiological bases of behavior, which was quite a feat. Now I know things I can use if I ever get a hold of your brain in a laboratory. Then I slinked off to St Martin/Saint Maarten with some friends. Ah...the beaches. We spent a lot of time on the nude side of Orient Beach. I am not a nudist by any means, but it did send me into a spiral of contemplation about my body.
What is the human obsession with the form of the body? Big ones, small ones, big on top, small on bottom, skin, flab, genitals... It has become quite perplexing to me that the body is a status symbol. I mean, I have just finished a research project on body image and so I have read quite a good deal of literature, and I did read an interesting article on how body image and body ideals can be influenced by socioeconomic factors and it makes sense that in less affluent countries, particularly those where women are relegated to reproduction, that a larger body image is more ideal. Similarly in less affluent countries, a larger body is a sign of affluence as it indicates the ability to eat well and buy food. To follow then, in a country like the US, where the availability of food is not an issue, and women are career-oriented, the ideal is thin. But uber-thin? Ultra-thin? What is that?
So thin is in and everything else is out. It confuses me, the amount of head space that thinking about my thighs, stomach, and clothing size takes in my daily life. The constant comparison: I am smaller than she is, if only I had her ass, her taut calves, her... It is a sickness, and I am not the only case. It is a nationwide epidemic that has us all counting calories, reaching for something besides food, besides self-esteem. I can be as smart, talented, driven, as I want to be. But my body says laziness, indulgence, grade B.
So now, I surrender. I too will hit the gym with fury and wrath. I too will join the army that counts calories in ounces and tablespoons. Because it is the only way to liberate myself from the obsessive bondage of comparison and never enough. Or is it?
