Today was very difficult. Working on the house was fine but afterwards tension rose directly--over a trip to Walmart of all things. I didn't want to go and it wasn't the plan and I felt very nervous about being in the van, which I am solely responsible for. I think maybe one of the things I am learning is to trust my instinct. I made us turn around. Minutes later, we realized that we had nails in our tires, and maybe they would've blown. Luckily some nice "loacals" helped us to patch it up. But still I have been cast as a type of witch-bitch or a dark presence cast over the group and keeping them from their freedom.
(outcast unappreciated misunderstood overwhelmed)
I called my mom. and she brought home the importance of taking care of myself and of doing what's right. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't concerned about how this was going to play out in terms of how my students would perceive me, and how this would affect my reputatuion, risk my chance of being on their "cool" list. But at this point, the damage was done and all I could do is try to take the best care of myself and those who had been entrusted to my care.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Matthew Chapter 10
... And when he had called unto him his twelve disciples, he gave them power against unclean spirits, to cast them out, and to heal all manner of sickness and all manner of disease.
2 Now the names of the twelve apostles are these; The first, Simon, who is called Peter, and Andrew his brother; James the son of Zebedee, and John his brother;
...Philip, and Bartholomew; Thomas, and Matthew the publican; James the son of Alphaeus, and Lebbaeus, whose surname was Thaddaeus;
... Simon the Canaanite, and Judas Iscariot, who also betrayed him.
These twelve Jesus sent forth, and commanded them, saying, Go not into the way of the Gentiles, and into any city of the Samaritans enter ye not:
...But go rather to the lost sheep.
..............And as ye go, preach, saying, The kingdom of heaven is at hand.
Heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead, cast out devils: ........freely ye have received, freely give.
.........Provide neither gold, nor silver, nor brass in your purses,
Nor scrip for your journey, neither two coats, neither shoes, nor yet staves: for the workman is worthy of his meat.
And into whatsoever city or town ye shall enter, enquire who in it is worthy; and there abide till ye go thence.
12 And when ye come into an house, salute it.
...And if the house be worthy, let your peace come upon it: but if it be not worthy, let your peace return to you.
...And whosoever shall not receive you, nor hear your words, when ye depart out of that house or city, shake off the dust of your feet.
...Verily I say unto you, It shall be more tolerable for the land of Sodom and Gomorrha in the day of judgment, than for that city.
Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves.
...But beware of men: for they will deliver you up to the councils, and they will scourge you in their synagogues;
...But when they deliver you up, take no thought how or what ye shall speak: for it shall be given you in that same hour what ye shall speak.
...For it is not ye that speak, but the Spirit of your Father which speaketh in you.
...And ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake: but he that endureth to the end shall be saved.
... 24The disciple is not above his master, nor the servant above his lord. ...
...Fear them not therefore: for there is nothing covered, that shall not be revealed; and hid, that shall not be known.
... What I tell you in darkness, that speak ye in light: and what ye hear in the ear, that preach ye upon the housetops.
...And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body...
..Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? and one of them shall not fall on the ground without your Father.
...But the very hairs of your head are all numbered.
...Fear ye not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows.
...Whosoever therefore shall confess me before men, him will I confess also before my Father which is in heaven.
...But whosoever shall deny me before men, him will I also deny before my Father which is in heaven.
...Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
...And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me.
...He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it.
...He that receiveth you receiveth me, and he that receiveth me receiveth him that sent me.
...He that receiveth a prophet in the name of a prophet shall receive a prophet's reward; and he that receiveth a righteous man in the name of a righteous man shall receive a righteous man's reward.
...and whosoever shall give to drink unto one of these little ones a cup of cold water only in the name of a disciple, verily I say unto you, he shall in no wise lose his reward.
2 Now the names of the twelve apostles are these; The first, Simon, who is called Peter, and Andrew his brother; James the son of Zebedee, and John his brother;
...Philip, and Bartholomew; Thomas, and Matthew the publican; James the son of Alphaeus, and Lebbaeus, whose surname was Thaddaeus;
... Simon the Canaanite, and Judas Iscariot, who also betrayed him.
These twelve Jesus sent forth, and commanded them, saying, Go not into the way of the Gentiles, and into any city of the Samaritans enter ye not:
...But go rather to the lost sheep.
..............And as ye go, preach, saying, The kingdom of heaven is at hand.
Heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead, cast out devils: ........freely ye have received, freely give.
.........Provide neither gold, nor silver, nor brass in your purses,
Nor scrip for your journey, neither two coats, neither shoes, nor yet staves: for the workman is worthy of his meat.
And into whatsoever city or town ye shall enter, enquire who in it is worthy; and there abide till ye go thence.
12 And when ye come into an house, salute it.
...And if the house be worthy, let your peace come upon it: but if it be not worthy, let your peace return to you.
...And whosoever shall not receive you, nor hear your words, when ye depart out of that house or city, shake off the dust of your feet.
...Verily I say unto you, It shall be more tolerable for the land of Sodom and Gomorrha in the day of judgment, than for that city.
Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves.
...But beware of men: for they will deliver you up to the councils, and they will scourge you in their synagogues;
...But when they deliver you up, take no thought how or what ye shall speak: for it shall be given you in that same hour what ye shall speak.
...For it is not ye that speak, but the Spirit of your Father which speaketh in you.
...And ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake: but he that endureth to the end shall be saved.
... 24The disciple is not above his master, nor the servant above his lord. ...
...Fear them not therefore: for there is nothing covered, that shall not be revealed; and hid, that shall not be known.
... What I tell you in darkness, that speak ye in light: and what ye hear in the ear, that preach ye upon the housetops.
...And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body...
..Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? and one of them shall not fall on the ground without your Father.
...But the very hairs of your head are all numbered.
...Fear ye not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows.
...Whosoever therefore shall confess me before men, him will I confess also before my Father which is in heaven.
...But whosoever shall deny me before men, him will I also deny before my Father which is in heaven.
...Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
...And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me.
...He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it.
...He that receiveth you receiveth me, and he that receiveth me receiveth him that sent me.
...He that receiveth a prophet in the name of a prophet shall receive a prophet's reward; and he that receiveth a righteous man in the name of a righteous man shall receive a righteous man's reward.
...and whosoever shall give to drink unto one of these little ones a cup of cold water only in the name of a disciple, verily I say unto you, he shall in no wise lose his reward.
Why am I here?
Day 1 March 9 2008 New Orelans LA
It is my first day as a chaperone in New Orleams and it has been terifying. First, my worst fears came true at the rental car place in that I am assuming responsibility for something I deem to be a bit unethical and every time we get in the van, I am nervous. I pray to God that my fears are unfounded and that we navigate the city safely and without incident. The energy surrounding me is topsy-turvy and I find myself questioning my abilities as a leader. Perhaps I am not a great traveler. But why would my heart have a desire that I do no thave the strength to carry out? Again I pray that God will lead me through this shadowed valley that I find myself in. I can do all things through Chrsit who strengthens me. How can I be a leader when I am so afraid?
[ this verse came to my mind- see next entry for full chaper] 16 "Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves."
Please Lord surround me and those who have been entrusted to me with your love, your light, your compassion, and your angels. Amen.
It is my first day as a chaperone in New Orleams and it has been terifying. First, my worst fears came true at the rental car place in that I am assuming responsibility for something I deem to be a bit unethical and every time we get in the van, I am nervous. I pray to God that my fears are unfounded and that we navigate the city safely and without incident. The energy surrounding me is topsy-turvy and I find myself questioning my abilities as a leader. Perhaps I am not a great traveler. But why would my heart have a desire that I do no thave the strength to carry out? Again I pray that God will lead me through this shadowed valley that I find myself in. I can do all things through Chrsit who strengthens me. How can I be a leader when I am so afraid?
[ this verse came to my mind- see next entry for full chaper] 16 "Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves."
Please Lord surround me and those who have been entrusted to me with your love, your light, your compassion, and your angels. Amen.
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